Your anger is love.
I’ve always had a trouble relationship with anger. Always ran from it. It fucking terrified me. Buried it deep for decades.
The thing with emotions is if we don’t let them move through us and we hold onto them/bury them deep they always find a way out or a way to express themselves. Thankfully for me that expression wasn’t in the form of cancer or something terrible but in total meltdowns on the verge of a panic attack. I went on like this for years. Each time thinking, “what is wrong with me”.
I truly believed from a young age that something was inherently wrong with me. It’s only as I get older that I realize I was fully human having a fully human experience (big emotions) & there was no one to guide me. Validate my feelings. Teach me about my feelings.
I pray for the strength to teach you about your emotions. To have a healthy relationship with them. To not label them as “bad” & “good”. I’m afraid my own conditioning towards toxic positivity is going to prevent me from guiding you.
So now at 32 this is my quest. To get to know myself, to find the God in me by way of my emotions.
But what I’ve slowly come to learn (not just of the mind but of the heart) is that anger is love. Anger is amazing.
What anger consistently tells me and flags for me is that my boundaries have been crossed.
I especially feel anger at work or with people that want the most but don’t want to give anything. But my anger isn’t just signs for when other people have crossed a boundary but also when I’ve crossed a boundary with myself. When I say no when I want to say yes. When I deny myself of the things my body is calling for (hiking, connection, rest, quiet) but ignore & keep pushing, hoping & praying the need will go away. It never does.
Honor your anger. Don’t hold onto it, don’t wallow in it. But hold it gently like a baby kitten. Listen to it, get to know it, love it and I promise you will never run astray.
para Mia 