You are 9 years old & in 4th grade.
You like your school but you don’t like school if you know what I mean.
Parent-teacher conferences were last week. You are below grade level in reading & on track in everything else. In my mind, I was like, “no shit”. You haven’t been in a classroom for 1.5 years because of COVID. No shit you’re behind.
But also, you’re so smart. I’m not just saying that because I’m your (step) mother but because you are. And we (mom, dad, & me) know that you really only put effort into things you give a shit about otherwise you half ass it. It’s kind of brilliant – you’re reserving your energy for the stuff you care about.
Which right now is the book series ‘Warrior Cats’, drawing (constantly), hanging with your cousin London, & sleeping in LOL. Also, random fact, your favorite word is “shit”.
All of your homework comes home with drawings all over it. Cat drawings to be specific. This is your gift. It’s part of your DNA . Your art is second nature to you. I pray you never lose it. I pray you always feed your creative side. Always listen to that calling that invites you to draw.
If you ever feel lost, go back to your art.
Your art may transform over the years. Perhaps drawing won’t always give you the release you need but never stop creating.
The highest form of expression is self expression. Never stop expressing yourself & always be keep an open mind to all the ways you can express yourself.
We are always evolving & changing. What works for you now may not work for you when you are 10, 15, 20…so please, stay open, with your heart and mind.
Back to your reading level. I’ve told you this before but I was terrible at reading. I never actually enjoyed it until I got to college. And there’s nothing wrong with that but society at the time led me to believe I was stupid or lesser than. Fuck that. I hate that we do that to children.
As if children’s self worth should come from school. Your father & I always try to remind you of that. We always say “just do good enough”. Really we’re trying to strike the balance between getting you to try hard enough to pass without brainwashing you to sell out on yourself. People may disagree with this. Perhaps they are right, I suppose we will find out when you’re older & see how you interact and respond to the world.
The thing is, is society (modern schools, culture, social media, etc) tells you to fit in & sell yourself out. I am guilty of it. I wanted to fit in so badly as a child. I genuinely thought something was inherently wrong with me (more to come on this later).
This is the last thing I want for you. My only hope for you is that you find the God in your & let that light shine in everything you do. And most likely that light is going to look very different than everyone else’s light (or lack of).
But don’t get it wrong. I’m not against education. Education is so incredibly important because it teaches you how to learn & the socialization is invaluable. However, too often it is a place that asks us to not be us in order to meet their standards (in math, science, how quickly you learn, etc)
Well, I say, fuck that. Fuck a system & standards that were created by people as wonderfully flawed as you. Trust in yourself & your pace. Divine timing is always at work.
I love you,
Abby
xoxo
para Mia 