I feel like I lost my mother to her trauma.
I’m so angry at my ancestors, specifically the women for allowing this to happen. How could my grandmother (my mom’s mother) stay with an alcoholic. Why didn’t anyone try to heal themselves. Why did they keep passing it down generation after generation. How far back does this lack of self-worth & self love go?
Why do I not hold the men accountable?
My grandfather was the alcoholic so why am I not as angry at him. I’m angry my grandmother didn’t leave him. He’s irrelevant to me. Even as I write that I feel the anger. Ugh fuck them… I want to scream.
My mother wasn’t always so disconnected from us. But overtime the pain and wounds compounded. I want her back. I want her to be the mother I portrayed her to be in my childhood fantasies.
I wish she could heal.
I love you, mom. I will heal for the both of us.
Love,
Abigail
xoxo
para Mia 