how you want to feel is more important than what it looks like

This is yet another lesson I am still learning.

When I think of what I want to manifest in the next 5 years I envision acres of land, a small home or trailer on the land, all of us together, happy at my job (maybe organizational psychologist), certified in breathwork and facilitating as a side job, perhaps upcrafting second hand jeans and selling on Instagram, good at pottery (or anything that allows for creative expression).

There are so many things I want to do but I quickly realized, I’m hyper focusing on what it looks like vs how I want to feel.

Generally owning a home means a lot more work and more stress than renting – it’s not for everyone and maybe it’s not for me. Having a side job may overwhelm me, etc, etc.

My early twenties were so focused on just “making it” by way of what it looked like (working for big brands, living in NYC, etc) that I completely neglected how I felt about it. I also didn’t know any better and this is the nature of growing up. I have so much love for that version of me and that part of my life because she was so courageous and learned so much.

I had achieved what I wanted but it didn’t feel the way I thought it would.

So since that experience at my first job and the entirety of my experience in NYC I’ve been striving to align my soul expression with my physical world. And damn there is A LOT of fear showing up the closer I (think) I get.

I’m also realizing I’ve been so afraid to be seen that I’ve always sold myself short. I’ve achieved so much here and I’m so proud of myself but it really hasn’t been what I wanted. It’s what someone else wanted for me or it’s what I’ve pursued because “I already invested so much and it was safe.”

Oh Lord, the things we do to feel “safe”.

The way I want to feel in the next 5 years: I want to feel at peace with myself, grounded in my unique identity (no comparison to others), a strong connection to God and all His manifestations, challenged and excited by my work, freedom and flexibility, financial security and abundance, and in all, love.

I open to whatever my physical world will need to look like to manifest those feelings.

I love you,

Abby

xoxo